Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
