He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
