My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
