i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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