last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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