he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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