i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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