At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
