I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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