i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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