roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize