Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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