i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
