when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
