i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
