y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
