Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
