i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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