I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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