I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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