My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize