I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
