Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
