And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
did i walk over a car last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
