Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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