Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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