after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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