my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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