FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
