dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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