Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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