THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
