wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Text me some of your sweat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
