I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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