All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
