You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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