I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
