not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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