There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
P.S. I can't hear my feet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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