I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
