Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
