So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
