took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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