Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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