I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
