My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
