o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
