so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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