Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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