ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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