I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
