There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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