Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
