So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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