When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
