doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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