So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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