I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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