I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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