On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
