i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
