Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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