I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
