It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
