The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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