my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
