we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
