I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
