i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
