Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
