what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
