i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The Olympian is in my bed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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