Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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