Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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