The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
