I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
