I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
God, I missed his penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
