just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
