the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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